My best laugh of the month? Has to be the Daily Telegraph, who really ought to know better, reporting that Canadian lobsters found in the North Sea got there because they had been thrown overboard by cruise ship passengers.

Apparently overcome by guilt, diners were buying the live creatures from tanks on board ship and then asking their waiter to release the unfortunate creature unto the sea. Mike Cohen, of the official-sounding Holderness Fishing Industry Group came up with the absurd proposition and claimed to have overheard supporting evidence from listening into radio conversations. He told the Telegraph “They are found occasionally near Bridlington. I understand from common frequency on the radio that passengers buy a lobster from the live tanks and then ask the waiter to throw them overboard rather than eating it.”

Trouble is, it can’t possibly be true. There are no cruise ships anywhere in the world carrying live lobsters for their passengers’ pleasure. Lobster is a popular menu choice for sure, and surf and turf is part of the staple diet for many regular cruise passengers. But like almost all meat and fish on the menus, it comes aboard frozen. (If any reader knows different, I would be delighted to here from them).

You can read the rest of Captain Greybeard’s article in the December 2014 / January 2015 issue which is available now. If you aren’t a subscriber then click here to sign up here. You can also find back issues available here.