Five cruise cabins I avoid booking as a travel writer

You’ve done the hard bit: choosing which cruise line to sail with, which destination to visit and what time of year to travel. Now all that’s left is to select the best cabin for you – which can actually be one of the most important decisions you’ll make.

If you end up in a stateroom where you can’t sleep because of how noisy it is, or one that makes your seasickness worse, it can completely derail your holiday at sea. After all, who wants to go on a shore excursion when they’re exhausted or dive into a buffet breakfast when they’ve spent the whole night feeling nauseous?

As a travel journalist who spends my time figuring out what separates a mediocre cruise from an exceptional one, these are five cabins I’d give a wide berth, plus the ones I’d book instead.

1. Earplug cabins

As the youngest of seven siblings, I could probably sleep through a marching band in the corridor and cannonballs overhead. That said, whenever I’m travelling with someone who is a light sleeper, I do my absolute best to avoid of what I’ve dubbed earplug cabins, which depending on the level of soundproofing, can keep the noise-sensitive from getting a proper night’s sleep. These are any staterooms that you’d find beside, above or below the following:

Nightlife venues: Avoid clubs, casinos, sports bars, pubs and karaoke rooms unless you want a DJ to set your bedtime.

Entertainment venues: Bass can travel through the decks even when volume doesn’t, and no one wants to hear tap dancing above their head.

Restaurants: Prep and trolleys often start in the early morning, while cleaning can go late into the night.

Lido deck: From deck chairs scraping to foot traffic and ambient music, there is plenty of noise emanating from here.

Sports facilities: The sound of weights dropped on the gym floor, or the thud of basketball and padel courts, is not a pleasant thing to wake to circa 6 am.

The lifts: A cabin here is excellent for eavesdropping on conversations and hearing the drag of luggage, but less so for rest.

Kids’ clubs: I think this one is self-explanatory.

Be sure to consult the deck plan before making your final choice so you know precisely what you’re in for.

Here’s what to book instead: If you want peace and quiet, a mid-ship stateroom, with cabins to either side and above and below, is a good bet.

2. Forward & aft cabins on high decks

If you’re prone to seasickness, I’d definitely take this one to heart. Even if you’re lucky enough to be generally immune to it, it’s something to consider when sailing the open ocean or rough, unpredictable waters, particularly in winter.

The Drake Passage, which you need to cross to reach Antarctica, the Bay of Biscay between France and Spain, and the Gulf of Alaska are all danger zones. Personally, I also found Northern Norway in January and the North Atlantic in early spring could trigger a bit of peakiness, and friends who are seasoned sailors have reported that the transatlantic passage from Southampton to New York knocked them right off their sea legs.

The cabins on the top decks at the front and rear of the ship are the worst for seasickness because you feel the side-to-side (roll) and front-to-back (pitch) movement more, and the higher you go, the worse it gets.

Here’s what to book instead: If you’re worried about seasickness, keep low and central. Choosing a mid-ship cabin on a lower deck is the sweet spot because you’re near the ship’s centre of rotation, meaning you feel the movement less.

3. Obstructed view cabins

I’ve definitely been chuffed to score bargain theatre tickets, only to kick myself once I found that half the stage was blocked by a pillar. When I’ve stayed in an obstructed view cabin, the feeling is similar. To pull the curtains back and find that your sea vistas are blocked by a lifeboat, machinery or overhanging decks is to realise that you’ve got the worst of both worlds.

After all, you’ve paid more than you would have for an inside cabin, but you still have limited natural light and don’t get access to views of seascapes and ports. Worst case scenario, you’ll have less privacy, too, for instance when crew are doing maintenance work.

Here’s what to book instead: Personally, if my budget stretches to it, I’d go for an outside cabin. I tend to prioritise having a room with a view over other perks, such as a drinks package. However, inside cabins are a perfectly respectable decision, too. They can be much cheaper, leaving more money for the things that matter most to you on holiday, whether that’s shore excursions or speciality dining.

4. Underwater cabins

If you’re considering your first river cruise, it’s worth knowing that the cabins on board are often quite different from those on ocean vessels.

For one, river ships rarely have inside cabins because their hulls are usually too narrow for a row of windowless interior rooms. Instead, the lowest-grade, most affordable staterooms are the ones on the bottom deck, frequently called underwater, waterline or aquarium class cabins because they sit largely beneath the river’s surface.

Typically, only the very tops of these cabins are over the waterline, with small rectangular windows providing a duck’s eye view. As you’d expect, these can’t open, due to the risk of water getting in.

On a sailing on the Seine, I found this style of cabin afforded relatively little natural light, and I didn’t get to enjoy the lovely vistas that are frequently a highlight of river cruising. When docked in Paris, the concrete quay wall blocked the view entirely, and while there was air con, I did wish I could open the windows to let in some fresh air.

To be fair, because it was a mini cruise and I spent the majority of my time on shore excursions or making the most of the ship’s shared spaces, including the sun deck, I didn’t mind the underwater cabin much. However, on a longer itinerary, especially on a river like the Rhine or Douro where the scenery is one of the biggest reasons to sail, I’d avoid this category of stateroom.

Here’s what to book instead: I’d book the second category up, which is generally on the middle deck. Sometimes these even come with French balconies, which makes a significant difference. Being able to enjoy a gentle breeze, lots of light and views of vineyards, gorges and bucolic towns from the comfort of your own private space is a true luxury.

5. Guarantee cabins

If you’ve ever been going through your choices for accommodation and noticed the name of a cabin category followed by ‘guarantee’, for example, Inside Guarantee or Balcony Guarantee, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Essentially, this is an option that lets the cruise line pick your specific stateroom for you, so long as they assign you a cabin in your selected category or higher.

There are some definite perks to guarantee cabins, namely that they’re usually cheaper and occasionally you can score an upgrade, depending on availability.

However, if you’re a Type A traveller who likes planning things out, they can be less than ideal. After all, you could end up in an undesirable location, such as directly beneath a theatre or nightclub. If the uncertainty causes you extra stress in the lead-up to your holiday, that immediately makes it more trouble than it’s worth, despite the potential savings.

Here’s what to book instead: When I’m able to, I definitely prefer studying the deck plan and making the choice myself, even if that means missing out on a potential upgrade. That said, I’ve never been much of a gambler. If you don’t mind a bit of unpredictability, these can be a good way to save money.

Read next:

• I tried five remedies to conquer seasickness
• Planning your first cruise? 12 tips I wish someone had told me
• How much money do I need for my first cruise?